Monday, June 23, 2008

It's her Birthday


It's her Birthday.

Today, I give myself the gift of remembering.

As I linger over memorabilia, her sweet purse, flip-flops, jewelry...the rings she worn on her little fingers, every kind of photo, I watch mini-movies, listen to her favorite tunes...

I smile...


I weep...


I long to have just one more LONG hug.

To drink her in just a tiny bit more....

Oh... I can still feel her.
The smooth texture and coolness of her skin. Her firm loving hug as she reminded me

"Don't you know what an awesome Mom you are? You are... and I love you so much."

We cried and laughed together...mother and daughter...

We had no idea...

but You did.

Thank You for these moments...so many in her last days.

As I sit on the back porch taking in the fresh air, this yard full of color...roses, gardenias, butterfly bushes, the enormous hydrangea bush she gave me that last Mothers Day...
As the bird lift their voices to You...


I recall some of our final conversations...

on the very day she left our home for yours.

Long, beautiful discussions.

I see her so vividly...
and I can hear her sweet voice...
her laughter today.

Oh, Thank You Lord!

We talked about her life up to that day...
we talked a lot about You.
It was a most incredible and blessed conversation....
ending when she jumped into my lap...and another long hug...
like when she was a little girl.
You remember...

You were there.

How precious Lord, the gift of memory...

what a blessing!

Thank You...Thank You so very much!

Lord, help me to be grateful for all the memories of her life...give me strength and courage to continue to make new ones. And in all ways give You glory.

In Jesus precious name,
Amen

"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of countenance the heart is made glad" Ecclesiastes 7:3

5 comments:

Michelle Bentham said...

Tammy,

How precious you are to share your heart and your prayers with my friend, Alma, over at the Heart to Heart Blog. May God bless you in your grief and the love you have expressed here for both your daughter and your God. He is so good to us in our time of need - is He not. I love Him so for bringing precious hearts into my life like you and Alma who need so much to be comforted, sharing your story and your God in so many ways. I'm praying for you as well. Email me when you can. I'd love to hear more about your girl. Blessings. MB

Nancy said...

Well, just wanted to let you know I Love you and am praying for you all in these days of remembrance of our girl. Can't wait to see her again and papa and so many others that have gone on home. I bet they would tell us how magnificent and glorious paradise is. Everday in the presence of our Heavenly Father, WOW, so many answers to my questions about this life!

Quitie said...

Tammy,
What a beautiful expression of Lauren and your love for her. Thank you for inviting me to share. I have prayed for you daily and prayed that God will give you peace and a refreshed spirit. You are amazing lady!
Love ya,
Quitie

Beth said...

Dear Tammy and Family,
How delightful to read your "diary." I loved that, seemed like getting a small peek into your life all the way down there in Georgia.
Our family, sends our heartfelt love and prayers to you and your family. I know this must be a difficult time for all of you. I am so grateful to hear you are leaning on the Lord and letting him hold you firmly in place at such a time. As I read your daily journals, I am so proud of how you are getting through this and are still shouting God's praises for all that he does for all of us. May God continue to bless you and yours, for what you said is absolutely true, God is SOOO Good.

What wonderful news about Beth's decision to become a child of God. That is most welcome news.

We Love You and our thoughts will especially be with you on Sunday, I know, even though you are so strong and positive, that will be a most difficult day for you. May God continue to sustain you in all you do. Love to all of you.

Nancy Vandewater said...

Tammy - that was beautiful - and what a beautiful daughter!! Thank you so much for sharing that!
Love,
Nancy V.